BRANDI WHYNE: Adventurous Space Pirate

Why, of all the nerve!

2012-01-22T15:01:00.001-06:00

That's my name and I'm sticking to it!

Why, of all the nerve!Can you believe it?

My ghost writer, Celine, wants to diddle with my memoir's title. She thinks it's "too long" and it's not "helping sales" of my book series. Just who the hell does she think she is!

She's even posted a poll at her blog, and she's asking readers to vote on it and give her feedback. Go to http://celinesdreams.blogspot.com and check it out.

Really, what would the readers know about whether it's a good title or not? Not to put any of y'all down (since I adore you, I really do), but they're my memoirs so I should have the power to name them, right?

So, please go over to Celine's Dreams blog and vote that you want to keep Brandi Whyne and Her Incredibly Erotic Adventures the same--and leave a comment telling Celine where to get off while you're at it. Thanks, darlings!

A Real-Life Reading from BRANDI WHYNE AND HER INCREDIBLY EROTIC ADVENTURES

2011-12-01T17:10:00.000-06:00

Wow!

Celine (my lazy ghost writer) has gotten off her curvy backside and got herself an author's reading this Saturday night at Shameless Grounds in St. Louis. Here are the details:

Join St. Louis area Science fiction/ fantasy/paranormal/historical/erotica/erotic-romance writers Zo Leavy, Elizabeth Donald, AJ Matthews and me (disguised as Celine Chatillon) this Saturday, December 3, 8 PM, at Shameless Grounds (2650 Sidney) in St. Louis. We'll each be reading selections from our works, taking your questions, comments and generally having a good time while we all sip some java or enjoy the other fine eats available at Shameless Grounds.

A guaranteed good time to be had by one and all! (I'll be reading excerpts from the first book in my eXtasy Book series BRANDI WHYNE AND HER INCREDIBLY EROTIC ADVENTURES.) ;)

Celine
http://www.celinechatillon.com
http://tinyurl.com/celineatextasy

About time! I can't wait to see how the audience reacts to my daring and oh-so-erotic adventures. See you there! ;)

I love my interview!

2011-11-18T18:38:00.001-06:00

Wow! I love my interview today at Sex Marks the G-Spot!

http://www.sexmarksthegspot.com/2011/11/interview-with-brandi-whyne-from-brandi.html

Do I sound "intelligent" to you? Or just plain sassy? ;)

Upcoming interview...

2011-10-16T16:39:00.001-05:00

If you've ever wanted to see me, Brandi Whyne, Space Pirate extraordinaire, in "action", don't fret... You'll be able to read a no-holds bar interview with yours truly this coming November 17 - 18 on The Sex Marks the G-Spot blog.

You know, with a blog name like that, it's gonna be good. ;-)

Other excitement this past week included Celine re-doing her web site yet again. Honestly! She needs to spend more time on my blog and less on hers, but there you go. Check out her new home page at http://www.celinechatillon.com/ and her Celine's Dreams blog at http://celinesdreams.blogspot.com/ And be sure to tell her if there are any typos, boo-boos or missing links. She'll love that... Bwahahahaha!

And if you've ever wanted to see all the purchase links for my books in one place, be sure to check out http://tinyurl.com/celineatextasy

Until then, keeping reading my Incredibly Erotic Adventures!

Talk like a pirate? What's that about?

2011-09-20T14:43:00.003-05:00

Celine hasn't helped me update my page here since she was "talking like a pirate" yesterday. What the hell is that all about, I ask you?

As a bonafide space pirate, I can honestly say we speak no different from anyone else. Some of us even speak better. Dum Luk for instance... our resident mad scientist aboard the Pulsating Purple Parsnip. Now that is a man who didn't let years of education and drudgery in the lab turn him into a dull ol' boy. He's a fun guy at an orgy. Just ask Dr. Kwak and Tryor Fuq--they'll tell you.

Well, I hope Celine has been out promoting my latest chapter Brandi's Best Revenge. She has updated the excerpt page with correct purchase links from eXtasy Books. I might have to give her a spanking in thanks for that much work today. ;-)

Here are the updated purchase links in case you're interested:

Brandi Whyne and Her Incredibly Erotic Adventures: Collect them all!

Chapter 1—Captured by Space Pirates! http://tinyurl.com/brandiw1

Chapter 2—Lashed at the Mast! http://tinyurl.com/brandiw2

Chapter 3—Bound for Adventure! http://tinyurl.com/brandiw3

Chapter 4—Little John’s Very Big Problem http://tinyurl.com/brandi-4

Chapter 5—The Search for Brandi’s Crack http://tinyurl.com/brandi-5
Chapter 6—Kidnapped by Time Bandits! http://tinyurl.com/brandi-6
Chapter 7—Brandi's Best Revenge! http://tinyurl.com/brandi-7

Sheesh!! I didn't realize my story had gotten that long! And I'm not even to the good parts yet... You'll see. (Keep reading, me hardies!) ;)

Brandi's Best Revenge is now in the building!

2011-09-16T13:06:00.002-05:00

BRANDI WHYNE AND HER INCREDIBLY EROTIC ADVENTURES: Chapter 7--Brandi's Best Revenge! :)

Now available from eXtasy books in various e-formats:

http://www.extasybooks.com/brandi-whyne-7-3/

or http://tinyurl.com/brandi-7

Here's the quick synopsis:

In Chapter 7, Brandi’s Best Revenge, the crew of the Pulsating Purple Parsnip encounter their time bandit contact in their own dimension—Robin‘s ex-girlfriend, Marian Maidenform. But all is not quite as it seems aboard Marian‘s ship, and seducing the hunky android Andrew becomes part of Brandi‘s revenge against the cold yet sexy woman who broke Robin‘s heart. But what does K.R.A.P.P. have to do with the balance of power on Old Terra? Brandi and her pals are determined to find out.

And don't forget, you can receive your very own PDF copy of "Outrageous Extended Excerpts" from all the chapters (well, up to number 6) by simply dropping my ghost writer, the slow-to-update-blogs Celine, an email with "Free Ebook" in the subject line. celinechatillon @ hotmail.com

I'll be sure to spank her if she doesn't send it to you right away... After all, I am "ship's counselor and disciplinarian". ;)

A very hot excerpt will be posted soon, too. Celine says she'll get right onto it... My velvet whip can be a very enticing instrument. ;)

********

The excerpt from Brandi's Best Revenge! is now available on its very own page:

http://brandi-whyne.blogspot.com/p/excerpt-from-latest-chapter-brandis.html

That way you don't have to scroll down to find it at a later date. Enjoy!

Celine

(Was that okay, Mistress Brandi?)

Do you really think I'm funny?

2011-08-09T14:56:00.004-05:00

Celine got off her fat backside and promoted Chapter 6--Kidnapped by Time Bandits at author Robin Badillo's Sealed with a Kiss blog this week. Check me out there:

http://robinbadillo.blogspot.com
And enjoy the cool tunes playing in the background. (Sweet!)

I've been told recently that I'm "funny". Is that "ha-ha funny" or "weird funny" you think? I know my memoirs are outrageously entertaining, but are they funny in a good way? What do you think? I'm dying to know... Perhaps I should find a new ghost writer? Hmm...

P.S. The tiny url links that I previously posted to my individual titles in the BW series may take you to the front page of eXtasy Books instead. A recent change in servers sort of voided the links with little notice. If you type in "Celine Chatillon" in the search box under author (on right top corner of the front page) that will take you to a listing of my stories. I apologize for any inconvenience. I'll have to get the whip out and make Celine update all the old links soon... Unfortunately, she enjoys a good spanking too much. ;)

Brandi's Best Revenge--coming this fall!

2011-07-27T15:01:00.000-05:00

Just a heads up to let y'all know that chapter seven in my wonderfully fun and erotic story will be coming this fall... Let me rephrase that a bit: The next chapter in the Brandi Whyne series will be released sometime before October 1, 2011, I'm told. (I'll be coming long before that!) ;)

Here's a short synopsis of what to expect:

What do you get when Star Wars meets Sherwood Forest? Mix in a little Pirates of the Caribbean, Fanny Hill, Futurama and The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy and you get Brandi Whyne and Her Incredibly Erotic Adventures (with Robin Manhood and His Totally Sexed-Out Space Pirates). With a series title that long, you know it’s going to be filled with loads of laughs, tons of sci-fi fun and plenty of hot sex!

In Chapter 7, Brandi’s Best Revenge, the crew of the Pulsating Purple Parsnip encounter their time bandit contact in their own dimension—Robin’s ex-girlfriend, Marian Maidenform. But all is not quite as it seems aboard Marian’s ship, and seducing the hunky android Andrew becomes part of Brandi’s revenge against the cold yet sexy woman who broke Robin’s heart. But what does K.R.A.P.P. have to do with the balance of power on Old Terra? Brandi and her pals are determined to find out.

Coming from the demented mind of Celine Chatillon and the good folks at eXtasy Books.

Don't forget you can get a free ebook of "Outrageous Extended Erotic Excerpts" just by emailing Celine and putting "free ebook" in the subject line: celinechatillon @ hotmail.com

Celine's got a sense of humor?

2011-07-01T11:41:00.001-05:00

Well, I never knew!

You can read what my ghost writer Celine Chatillon says was the impetus behind her helping me craft my epic life story at Sapphire Phelan's blog:

http://sapphirephelanspassioncorner.blogspot.com/2011/06/romancing-on-fiday-guest-blogger-celine.html

And to top it all off--she's giving away a free ebook! (Email her at celinechatillon @ hotmail.com )

Will that woman ever learn that we're going to be GAZILLIONAIRES some day, but you can't do that by giving away free ebooks? Hmmph!!

A spankin' hot excerpt from Lashed at the Mast!

2011-06-24T19:40:00.001-05:00

Celine's just home from "Friday Foreplay" on the eX Factor Yahoogroup email loop (what the hell is "email" anyway?) and she asked me if I could post this excerpt from the second chapter in my fascinating memoirs, Lashed at the Mast! Of course I said yes... I enjoy a good spanking scene as much as the next person! ;-)

An excerpt from Brandi Whyne and Her Incredibly Erotic Adventures: Chapter 2--Lashed at the Mast! now available from eXtasy Books: http://tinyurl.com/brandiwhyne2

Robin winked at me and said under his breath, “Follow along with Zelda and I promise you’ll enjoy your punishment.”

“What if I don’t wish to be tamed?” I replied tartly. “What then?”

A throaty chuckle burst from his lips. He slipped a hand into my panties and felt the wetness growing there. “You’ll want to be tamed. Believe me—you’ll want to.”

“Captain.” Zelda came close to my right side and presented her violet whip to him. “You have the honor.”

I cringed. The whip was small but I could tell it packed a punch. I began wriggling my hands free of their bindings. Robin placed a comforting hand on my shoulder to still my anxious movement.

“No need. I prefer the ‘hands on’ approach.” He waggled an eyebrow at me and turned to face the crew. “I think everyone here today agrees. What say you?”

“Aye, aye!” the cheers rang out.

“I can’t wait to get my hands on that luscious ass…” I heard Dr. Kwak muttering. From the corner of my eye I spied him hiking up my ruffled skirt. The sicko really seemed to get off on wearing women’s clothing, obvious by his erection proudly poking out from beneath his petticoats. Correction—my petticoats.

Before I knew what hit me Robin ripped my lacy white panties off my bottom and applied pressure with a determined spank across my exposed butt cheeks. I jumped at the rough surprise, but held fast to the mast as he repeated the process several times. Now was not the time to show weakness.

“Naughty girl.”

Scarlet-faced Willie had sauntered over to my side and began rubbing his sticky staff against my left buttock’s burning flesh. The slow, sensual touch of his cock against my stinging bottom made my pussy muscles clench. I threw back my head and moaned.

“You like that, eh?” Willie muttered, spreading his juices across my other butt cheek. “You want me to keep doing it?”

“She likes it too much,” Zelda interrupted, stepping closer. She shoved her breasts close to my flushed face. “Don’t you?”

Brandi Whyne and Her Incredibly Erotic Adventures: Chapter 2--Lashed at the Mast! now available from eXtasy Books: http://tinyurl.com/brandiwhyne2 and at Amazon for the Kindle format and wherever naughty books are sold!

Remember: Readers Wanted at Friday Foreplay ~ Back by popular demand! You never know what may happen when those who love laughter, contests, and wicked HOT books get together for a day of celebration! Curious? Join us every week for Friday Foreplay, all day and into the night!
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/theexfactor/

Check out the pirates here...

2011-05-29T20:20:00.001-05:00

Celine's been up to some naughtiness of her own. Check out her photos of some hunky pirates at her blog, Celine's Dreams. They might not be space pirates, but I'd be proud to have them on my ship!

A very naughty excerpt...

2011-05-15T17:56:00.001-05:00

All right already! I got Celine off her fat ass and she's agreed to help me post a very naughty extended excerpt from Brandi Whyne and Her Incredibly Erotic Adventures: Chapter 6--Kidnapped by Time Bandits! which is of course available from eXtasy Books: http://tinyurl.com/brandiwhyne6

Here's a quick summary of the series so far in video form...

The scene begins: Brandi has been chosen to represent the crew of the starship the Pulsating Purple Parsnip in a test deviced by the mysterious time bandit, Captain Jacques Swallows.

“Navigator Brandi Whyne.” The time bandit bowed politely and took my hand. I stood on his right as the silent Francois stood several paces behind, pouting. “I see that your fellow shipmates are very supportive of your efforts on your behalf, Miss Whyne.”

“We’ll support Brandi in any effort to get her clothes off!” shouted Tryor Fuq from the corner. “Won’t we, folks?” The crowd erupted into catcalls and hoots. I blushed and acknowledged their love by blowing them kisses.

“Brandi, Brandi, Brandi!” they cheered.

“Hey—that’s not fair,” said Robin Limpdick, pointing at my drunken cheerleaders. “She’s got a regular fan club here. Where are my supporters?”

“You’re right.” Captain Swallows turned to Bak Azzwards. “You may bring some of your men along to cheer for your champion if you wish.”

“Er…they are here. They are a bit quiet for thome reathon.”

I noticed Bernard, Henry and a few of the others drinking Dr. Kwak’s crazy concoctions and passing out under the tables. The sound of hics, belches and burps greeted the silence for Robin Limpdick.

“A fat lot of good you assholes are,” he grumbled.

Jacques Swallows raised his hands. “The test will now begin.”

Francois quickly and quietly disrobed his master. I was not disappointed in what I saw. The time bandit had a beautiful body, buff and muscular, a hairless chest and a cock length that rivaled Little John’s. My hand fell to my clit, and I began to stroke myself. It throbbed as my vaginal muscles clenched at the thought of that bad boy sliding into my tight passage. I looked to my lover for permission to bed the stranger for the good of our crew. He nodded slightly and smiled.

“Now it your turn,” Swallows said, indicating that both Limpdick and I were to undress. I tore off my silky flowing shirt and kicked off my boots even before my opponent had a chance to remove his shirt.

“So, it’s a three-way?” Limpdick said, laughing. “I can tell you she gives a good blow job, so if you let me give her ass a good pumping you can— ”

The time bandit cut him off mid-sentence. “Brandi gives excellent fellatio, you say? Good. How about you, Limpdick?”

“How about me what?”

“Can you suck my dick as well as Brandi can?”

My challenger paled. “Say what?”

The captain took a step forward. Francois took me by the shoulders and moved me away from the two. “Come now, Mr. Limpdick. If you want to work for us, we have to be able to trust your word and trust your loyalty under all circumstances. Your very life could be at stake. I order you to suck my cock. Now.”

“You got your little friend Francie there to blow you—I don’t work that side of the room. Well, not unless you want to suck me off first.” He whipped out his penis and began to pump it, glancing over to me. “Brandi can tell you how good I taste.”

“That’s not what I ordered, Mr. Limpdick.” Jacques Swallows was not a man to be trifled with I could tell. With a swift nod of the head he indicated for Francois to force Limpdick to comply. The youth was compact but strong and easily got the doppelganger to his knees with his lips open and his head tilted to take the full length of Swallows’ massive cock.

“Ooo!” the collective voice of the crowd cried. Robin Limpdick coughed and sputtered and tried to disengage but both Jacques and Francois kept him on task for several minutes. Finally, the time bandit pushed him away with a dissatisfied grunt.

“I would say we score one for Brandi. There’s no way she could do worse than you just did.”

“Hah—why don’t you force her to do it then?” Limpdick sounded almost hysterical. He crawled over to his captain and cowered like a lost child. “I know why you don’t—cause she’s not going to do it for you either, nancy boy. You’ve already done a deal with Robin Manhood and this is just to humiliate me and the crew of the Longdong.”

“Ith thith all a thet-up?” cried Azzwards. “You two-timed uth, Thwallowth?”

“No, this is a fair test.” Swallows accepted a silken scarf from his companion and wiped his cock dry. “Brandi must demonstrate she can follow orders as well.”

Before he could say it, I was down on my knees in front of him and easing his length down my throat. His gasp of pleasure gave him all the evidence he needed to know that I would followed his commands without questioning. I quickened the stroke of my hand and the flickering of my tongue, searching out his anus with my finger to offer him further stimulation. I felt his whole body shudder as his cum began to rise… He leaned back into his companion’s waiting arms and shot his semen across my face and breasts, begging for me to lick the last of it from his quivering member.

Our onlookers all clapped and sighed. Several began to undress and pleasure themselves or others. I looked for my Robin but couldn’t see him for the milling of bodies and the frantic rearranging of furniture and throw pillows.

“Good…very good,” Swallows said, a relaxed grin spreading across his features. He sat down on a proffered chair and handed me the scarf to wipe the stickiness from my skin. “You follow orders promptly and without questions. The Interdimensional Time Bandits Syndicate would find you to be a most loyal and competent officer, Brandi Whyne.”

“Thank you, Captain Swallows.” I stood and saluted. “Is there anything else you’d like me to do for you, sir?”

“Oh, I sure there is something, but first we must give your opponent a chance to prove himself. It’s only fair.”

Yes, it's only fair that if you want to learn what happens next, you purchase and read... Brandi Whyne and Her Incredibly Erotic Adventures: Chapter 6--Kidnapped by Time Bandits! now available from eXtasy Books: http://tinyurl.com/brandiwhyne6

Stylish Blogging? Sounds naughty to me!

2011-05-07T19:14:00.000-05:00

Stylish Blogging Award? Who me? Why, I'm honored... You sure there isn't a secondary meaning to the word "blog"? After all, it does rhyme with snog! ;)

Thanks to Celine Chatillon and her Celine's Dreams blog for nominating me. I was going to post an excerpt here shortly, but I suppose I can do this little thing first. ;)

I have to tell you seven things you don't know about me... Well, what do you really want to know, darlings, that I haven't revealed in my memoirs?

1.) I was actually born on Old Terra. Not many people can claim that these days. But I'm an orphan and don't really know much about my family's past. Could we be related to the lascivious, inbred nobility of the homeworld? It's a thought, but one I'd rather not dwell upon too long.

2.) I've dropped subtle hints to Robin Manhood to pop the big question... You know--little hints that say, "I love you, so why haven't you asked me yet?"

3.) Tryor Fuq farts a lot. In bed. One reason I tend to limit personal contact with him to orgies, don't you know. It's not one of my turn-ons. ;)

4.) My favorite position is on top and from behind and underneath and lying diagonally and upside down and swinging from the rafters and...

5.) I tried that "all protein diet" once, but I got tired of it after the first week. Still, I keep getting knocks on my cabin door...

6.) Captain Jacques Swallows is one gorgeous man, but how can I turn his preference from the handsome and manly Francois? I'll keep trying.

7.) Diamonds are a girl's best friend? Nah! A girl's best friend needs a decent battery charger!

I hope you've enjoyed my confessions here. I'll post my nomination for Stylish Blogger Award with my next post.

Brandi Whyne Chapter 6 has arrived at last!

2011-05-01T17:24:00.001-05:00

Check out my new book trailer... I hope that it catches you up on the series so far. (What if you can't follow what's happening so far? Well, go out and buy the other five books and read them! Duh!) ;)

Brandi Whyne and Her Incredibly Erotic Adventures: Chapter 6--Kidnapped by Time Bandits! is now available in multiple e-book formats at eXtasy Books at the link below:

Kidnapped by Time Bandits!

What do you get when Star Wars meets Sherwood Forest? Mix in a little Pirates of the Caribbean, Fanny Hill , Red Dwarf and The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy and you get Brandi Whyne and Her Incredibly Erotic Adventures (with Robin Manhood and His Totally Sexed-Out Space Pirates). With a series title that long, you know it’s going to be filled with loads of laughs, tons of sci-fi fun and plenty of hot sex!

In Chapter Six, Kidnapped by Time Bandits, Brandi is sucked into an alternate dimension and forced to do a little sucking on some not-so-nice space pirates—including Robin Limpdick, the evil twin of her own lover Robin Manhood. After a good licking, she meets Captain Jacques Swallows and his right hand man Francois who put her to the test. Can Brandi convince the Time Bandits that the crew of the Pulsating Purple Parsnip can do more than just throw a great orgy?

And for those of you who need a refresher, here's the links to the first five books in order:

Captured by Space Pirates!

Lashed at the Mast!

Bound for Adventure!

Little John's Very Big Problem

The Search for Brandi's Crack

(All of these titles are also available for the Kindle e-reader. Click on the link to the righthand side.)

Now, get out there and tell folks the latest book is now for sale. You can also tell them about the wonderful book trailer... and don't forget to tell them just how wonderful I am, too.

Excerpt to come--pardon my pun. ;)

Coming Soon--May 1st to be exactly!

2011-04-28T15:16:00.000-05:00

I'm so excited! The sixth chapter in my ongoing memoirs is to be released on May 1st!

Yes, I'll post an excerpt here shortly. I have to set the whip to Celine's back... She is easily distracted. ;)

This is what is pissing her off today--and rightly too, I may add:

http://celinesdreams.blogspot.com/2011/04/support-judy-mays-support-your-local.html

We shouldn't let them bring us down! Support a writer's right to write whatever the hell they damn well please! (I know I do.) ;)

Left you hanging, did I?

2011-04-01T15:44:00.000-05:00

Hello again...

Celine has finally allowed me to post a personal greeting to all my fans. She's jealous, you know? That's why there's been a bit of a break in the retelling of my extraordinary life story, Brandi Whyne and Her Incredibly Erotic Adventures.

But no longer! The sixth chapter, Kidnapped by Time Bandits!, will be released soon. Hopefully, your tension will also be released.

In the meantime, I thought I'd do a slight recap of what all has been happening in the series so far...

What do you get when Star Wars meets Sherwood Forest? Mix in a little Pirates of the Caribbean, Fanny Hill and Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy and you get Brandi Whyne… And Her Incredibly Erotic Adventures with Robin Manhood and His Totally Sexed-Out Space Pirates. With a series title that long, you know it’s gotta be good!

In Chapter One: Captured by Space Pirates! we meet our heroine, the strong-willed, hot-blooded Brandi Whyne. Brandi is a comely lass orphaned at a young age. Now twenty-two and working as a barmaid in hellhole spaceport, Brandi finds her virginity threatened. That is, until a tall, mysterious stranger waltzes into the bar and rescues her. To Brandi’s delight her rescuer turns out to be none other than the wickedly handsome Robin Manhood, wanted space pirate and captain of the Pulsating Purple Parsnip. Brandi decides to join Robin’s crew of sexual deviants and freedom fighters in their quest to provide the galaxy with a endless supply of cheap adult toys and even cheaper laughter.

In Chapter Two: Lashed at the Mast! strong-willed, hot-blooded Brandi Whyne finds herself tied up for a bout of “discipline” with ship’s disciplinarian Zelda. After her experience, Captain Robin Manhood—-along with several other crew members-—are pleasantly surprised at how well Brandi adapts to life aboard the Purple Pulsating Parsnip. Robin then sends Brandi on an undercover mission to ascertain why the dangerously sexy space smuggler Daro is delivering inferior adult toys. But first Brandi has to make Zelda’s leather-wearing ex-lover Zelina jealous. Will silver pasties and crotchless panties really do the trick?

In Chapter Three: Bound for Adventure! Brandi goes undercover but is soon found out by sexy smuggler Daro. She bravely faces death by oversized dildo—until Robin and the gang save the day. After Dr. Kwak’s “rat poison” interrogation, it appears Daro is working for dreaded inter-dimensional bandits. What can they do? Why, Robin takes charge of the situation by announcing its time for a ship wide orgy, of course!

In Chapter Four: Little John’s Very Big Problem Brandi bravely cheers up the giant John Thomas with her own brand of sexual healing. J.T. harbors a crush on Peri, a shy girl who works at Robin’s hideout. After a makeover and a sexy soak in the tub, Brandi, Peri and company enjoy a dinner party that includes plenty of dessert. But will bandits from another dimension spoil their fun?

In Chapter Five: The Search for Brandi’s Crack,
Brandi and the crew go searching for a crack in the time-space continuum. Along the way they experience some rather wild side effects of inter-dimensional travel—including Brandi’s disembodied ass begging to be rogered. Robin is more than happy to oblige as the gravity units go off line, and as an oddly familiar time bandit plans to take Brandi hostage…

And here's what's coming in Chapter Six: Kidnapped by Time Bandits!

In Chapter Six, Kidnapped by Time Bandits, Brandi is sucked into an alternate dimension and forced to do a little sucking on some not-so-nice space pirates—including Robin Limpdick, the evil twin of her own lover Robin Manhood. After a good licking, she meets Captain Jacques Swallows and his right hand man Francois who put her to the test. Can Brandi convince the Time Bandits that the crew of the Pulsating Purple Parsnip can do more than just throw a great orgy?

I'll post some hot excerpts here soon to help jog your... memory... a bit more. Tell your friends to check me out. Two's company, three's a crowd, but four or more is perfect for an orgy! ;-)

Brandi Rides Again!

2011-03-11T20:56:00.005-06:00

Coming Soon from eXtasy Books...

What do you get when Star Wars meets Sherwood Forest? Mix in a little Pirates of the Caribbean, Fanny Hill and The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy and you get Brandi Whyne… And Her Incredibly Erotic Adventures with Robin Manhood and His Totally Sexed-Out Space Pirates. With a series title that long, you know it’s going to be filled with loads of laughs, tons of sci-fi fun and plenty of hot sex!

In Chapter Six, Kidnapped by Time Bandits, Brandi is sucked into an alternate dimension and forced to do a little sucking on some not-so-nice space pirates—including Robin Limpdick, the evil twin of her own lover Robin Manhood. After a good licking, she meets Captain Jacques Swallows and his right hand man Francois who put her to the test. Can Brandi convince the Time Bandits that the crew of the Pulsating Purple Parsnip can do more than just throw a great orgy?

Kidnapped by Time Bandits! is not quite yet available for sale at eXtasy Books, but you can catch up on her first five adventures at the links below:

Captured by Space Pirates!

Lashed at the Mast!

Bound for Adventure

Little John's Big Problem

The Search for Brandi's Crack

More info, excerpts and review blurbs at this link: http://www.cynthianna.com/brandi.html

Here's hoping you'll become a part of my fan club until then!

Steal this banner--put it up at your blog or web site. Help spread the word about Brandi Whyne's Incredibly Erotic Adventures! ;)

This Chick Has it Going On...

2010-11-13T11:32:00.002-06:00

I'm floored by my pal Celine's video prowess! This book trailer for The Hetzenberg Chronicles is really intriguing. Check it out and buy the book so she'll make some more of these entertaining things!

You Tube "Smiling Assassin Presents" Channel:

http://www.youtube.com/user/cynthianna63?feature=mhsn

Smiling Assassin Presents...

2010-11-06T20:10:00.001-05:00

Check out this new video showcasing some original and functional designs for the most discriminating SF/Fantasy/Steampunk enthusiast:

Smiling Assassin Presents...

Enjoy! (And don't forget to contact them early with your holiday orders.) ;)

http://www.smilingassassin.com

"Original and Functional art for gamers and SF fans"

Brandi Whyne Part 6...

2010-04-25T20:05:00.000-05:00

Yes, it's true. My memoirs will continue! Stay tuned!

Something New this Spring...

2010-03-20T18:20:00.002-05:00

The last week of winter turned into a beautiful spring-like fest. It has greatly revived my spirits.

I’ve always liked the springtime. Spring is the season of rebirths and renewals. The tiny crocus flower pokes its tender green shoots above the cold soil, promising delicate purple blossoms within the week.

On a more ordinary level, March brings a novel release from my good friend Cynthianna, the re-release of her romantic-comedy of errors Scrambled Eggs. The story starts out on a windy early spring day where our heroine Sharlene literally runs over the hero Zack on a street corner with a baby carriage. Yeah, you got that right--a baby carriage. I think the whimsical cover art depicts the scene pretty accurately, with equal amounts of humor, attraction and embarrassment evident.

To buy Scrambled Eggs head over to Mojocastle Press. You can read a short excerpt as well there.

Brandi Rides Again?

2009-05-24T21:31:00.001-05:00

Brandi is still in e-formats at eXtasy Books.... But would you like to see her in print?

Leave your comment here and let her handlers know! Thanks. ;)

Love, Fun and Fantasy in Loving Who

2008-09-28T20:17:00.002-05:00

Although this fantasy novel isn't quite as spicy as Celine's erotic-romance titles, there's plenty of "action" in this fun "fiction about fans" available now from Mojocastle Press.

LOVING WHO
by Cynthianna
ISBN: 1-60180-075-4
http://www.mojocastle.com/celine/lovingwho.html

The man...the magic...the movie? Screwball romantic-comedy meets the world of Doctor Who fandom. Cici Connor's life will never be the same when she takes John Smith, a mysterious Brit, into her bed and her life begins to change... possibly for the better. After all, how many alien assassins tracking her does one girl need?

Available now in e-formats... and hopefully soon in trade paperback edition. Thing is, the more e-copies it sells off the blocks, the faster the print version is released by my publisher, so don't wait! Buy yours today.

(Feel free to pass this book release announcement on to other Doctor Who fans. Thanks!)

Celine Chatillon writing as Cynthianna
http://www.cynthianna.com
Boldly going where no one genre has gone before!

The Loves of Her Life--now available

2008-07-16T15:48:00.000-05:00

Celine's erotic-fantasy novella, THE LOVES OF HER LIFE has just been released from eXtasy Books. Her heroine, Estrella, has the second sight and the ability to use "sexual magic". Will she use her abilities wisely? That's for you to decide!

Here's a brief excerpt to pique your interest:

The Loves of Her Life: Two of Wands
by Celine Chatillon

The latest from the Tarot Card Series at eXtasy Books.

Spoiled and pampered Princess Estrella knows she must marry Prince Norbet for the good of her people. But she loves Lord Aiden, her childhood sweetheart, a soldier who must fight the dragon that threatens both their kingdoms. With her second sight she can see into the future and knows what is best for all… But even with this
awful knowledge, how can Estrella choose between the loves of her life?

Scene Set-up: Things steam up when Estrella and Aiden act out the story of the beginning of the world during the Summer Solstice celebrations...

"Give us the rest of the story!" cried the spectators. "Honor the Summer Solstice! Honor the goddess!"

"Well, if you put it that way…"

Estrella wrapped her hands tighter about her lover's neck and pulled his lips toward hers, kissing him passionately. Their tongues met and the electricity of attraction surged through both. Instantly, Aiden crushed her curves against his. He rhythmically rubbed the bulge beneath his loincloth against her belly. She moaned and
reached down to stroke his erect flesh in time with the music, which had taken a serious turn into a steady, sultry, throbbing beat. He slid a hand under her short, filmy skirt and stroked the growing dampness between her thighs.

He chuckled. "You're as wet as the legendary flood of the Dragon's lair. Obviously, all these eyes focused on your luscious body is a turn on."

She smiled against his lips. "And I can tell you're as hard and straight as the legendary granite obelisk that marks the end of the world."

"Atillo then entered Adala and the whole world blossomed!" exclaimed a self-appointed narrator, a thin, bookish-type who seem to relish the telling of tales. "Soon, all the world was filled with the beautiful evidence of their love."

"Hmm, are you ready for me to fill you with the evidence of my love, my dear?" Aiden whispered in her ear. "I'm about to burst as it is."

"As am I. But wasn't there another person in the legend that brought the two together? The oak tree, Amillo?"

"You're right." Aiden tweaked a pointed nipple through the thin material of her shift, causing Estrella to moan.

A shadow crossed their path.

"And Amillo came and cradled the lovers in his branches to better assist their joining," their narrator said in hushed tones.

Estrella and Aiden hesitated then slowly turned to see their oak cradle.

The well-dressed stranger!

"I thought I'd volunteer my services in the part of Amillo. I am an amateur scholar of these old myths and legends. The chance to help act out one with such a handsome couple was… irresistible."

THE LOVES OF HER LIFE
http://www.celinechatillon.com/loves.html

Buy it at eXtasy Books: http://www.extasybooks.com

Keep cool--and remember to read hot!

THE TOP TEN THINGS I HATE ABOUT CHARTER HIGH-SPEED INTERNET SERVICE

2008-03-18T11:39:00.003-05:00

I received this rant (or all things!) from Celine recently. I thought I'd let her vent here. Can someone out there in cyberspace help this poor chick out? She's really losing her mind, the poor dear. Thank you. --Brandi

The Top Ten Things I hate about Charter High-Speed Internet Service:

10.) Having to keep a diary of all the times I’ve had to call Charter Customer Service and be put on hold in the last two and half weeks. For example:

February 29—first call made for service outage.
March 2—two technicians replace cable line from building to the box on the street edge and leave it lying exposed on the grass. Next day we get 8 inches of snow.
March 5—another technician comes to fix outage and says its my modem which is a problem—I replace it with new one.
March 13—two technicians come back to “bury” the exposed cable in the grass—internet goes off for good and they disappear without a word to either me or my neighbor whose digital cable TV has vanished as well. I call and speak to “Irene” at customer service that evening and stay on phone for approximately 45 minutes. She promises things will be taken care of within 24 hours. (It’s not.)
March 16 –tech call that afternoon, the internet goes off and stays off within two minutes after technician leaves after adjusting my modem/the cable box on building.
March 17 – on in the morning, Internet goes off at approx. 1:30 pm and comes back on three separate times by unplugging/re-plugging in the modem until goes off for good at 2:45 pm. Another call to customer service where “Victoria” promises me technicans will call me within the hour (this said at 3:15 pm). No calls received within the hour—or the day. Or even the next morning... Why am I not surprised?

9.) Having to push “0” over and over at every automated switchboard prompt until I get a real live human being. (Keypad on phone now worn thin.)

8.) Having to repeat my sob story over and over again to these helpless Charter customer service reps who do not live in my city, state—or possibly country.

7.) Having to pay for Charter High-Speed Internet Service in the first place because AT&T hasn’t set up the lines so we can get DSL Internet service in this neck of the woods.

6.) Having to pay my cell phone company for the minutes that I went over my plan this month because I was put on hold so many times calling Charter High-Speed Internet Customer Service.

5.) Being promised a rebate on an $89.99 modem I got in August when I signed on with Charter High-Speed Internet —the modem that at least one technician told me was “broken” and I needed to rent one from Charter at an additional fee per month. The modem rebate (promised within 6 to 8 weeks) has yet to arrive. All emails sent to the email address for questions about rebate not answered, either. Charter Customer Service reps say they “know nothing about the rebate program” yet Charter’s icon is plastered on the web site and they provide the modem. If they contracted this incentive program from an outside source, they are responsible for it ultimately—right? Why else would you advertise it and put your company logo on it?

4.) Not being able to send doc files to my telecommuting positions as expected—missing out on potential income and creating ill-will with potential customers because I’m not able to respond to their email requests in a timely manner.

3.) Missing out on promotional activities online because I cannot get online and stay online. Not being able to update my web sites in a timely fashion. All lead to lost sales and advertising opportunities for my books.

2.) Having to buy gasoline at over $3.09 a gallon to drive to other places to use public Internet—and then finding they have a “nanny blocker” on some of these public WiFI access points so I can’t even access my own publisher’s web site!

And the number one reason why I hate Charter Communications High-Speed Internet Service…

1.) Those damn flashing green lights on the modem when it’s kicked me offline for the upteenth time in the last five minutes!

If you have a similar tale of woe (related to Internet service problems or not) please feel free to share it in the comment section. After I've calmed down somewhat, I might do a drawing for a little prize of one of my backlist books or something. Thanks for your understanding. I think I will take a Valium and go lie down now before I'm tempted to buy a shot gun...

They love me at Joyfully Reviewed--I knew it!

2007-12-13T22:46:00.000-06:00

They love me at Joyfully Reviewed! "Barb" in particular loves my memoirs... Kisses to her, the darling girl. ;)

Here are a few juicy blurbs from her excellent reviews:

http://joyfullyreviewed.com/Publishers/eXtasyBooks.html

Captured by Space Pirates! is a book that takes Spaceballs and mixes it with Men in Tights, then adds a hefty dose of the fashion sense of a Victoria Secret Catalogue. The reader starts smiling from the first sentence and is captivated by the wit and unorthodox, campy humor of Ms. Chatillon. Ms. Chatillon enthralls and holds onto the reader with twists and turns that keep the reader in a very happy state of mind.

Lashed at the Mast! continues where Captured by Space Pirates leaves off. It is a diverse and zany story. Ms Chatillon persuades the reader that life and sex are as funny as one thinks they are when one is younger. She develops characters introduced in the first book, as well as adding new characters that make the reader sit up and laugh. Ms. Chatillon’s sense of humor is vivid and complex and a joy to behold.

Intense and amusing writing makes Bound for Adventure a romp that continues to give the reader’s mind a workout as to new uses for everyday items in people’s lives. An enjoyable frisky frolic from Ms. Chatillon.

Entertaining and full of jollity, Little John’s Big Problem is a yarn that the reader relishes from beginning to end. Once again Ms. Chatillon draws the reader in and makes them pay attention. The start of each episode of her Brandi Whyne series grabs the reader and by the end, the reader is totally entranced. Another wonderful tale of Brandi Whyne.

Kinky and a bit perverse (in the good way), The Search for Brandi’s Crack is a story a reader enjoys from beginning to end. Drawing on the colourful characters from the previous chapters, Ms. Chatillon gives the reader what they want. A well-written tale that makes the reader laugh out loud and care for her characters. I anxiously await Chapter Six in Brandi’s adventures.

Hmmm... I guess I should get to work on the next installment, huh?

Read this chick's book--please

2007-10-09T09:20:00.000-05:00

http://www.liquidsilverbooks.com/books/offleshandblood.htm

Read this chick's latest vampire anthology Of Flesh and Blood and get her off my back... She won't let me come out and play while she's promoting it. So buy a copy and hush her up. I want to write a few more of my adventures, and she tells me she can't handle promoting a new release and taking dictation at the same time...

Really!

She's online this week at "Sexy Delights" too yakking the thing up. Join her there and tell her to get her curvy backside over here. http://groups.yahoo.com/group/sexydelights/

I'm off to find me some horny space pirates and keep myself "busy" while I'm waiting for Celine to join me and scribble down my next adventures. The wench!!!

From my first memoir...

2007-09-23T17:08:00.000-05:00

For those of you who aren't personally acquainted with my writings, I thought I'd post a short excerpt from my first memoir: Brandi Whyne and Her Incredibly Erotic Adventures: Chapter 1--Captured by Space Pirates! Enjoy.

From Brandi Whyne and Her Incredibly Erotic Adventures with Robin Manhood and His Totally Sexed-Out Space Pirates
a serialized novel available from eXtasy Books (http://www.extasybooks.com)
(Copyright 2006 Celine Chatillon, all rights reserved)

(Editor's note: This excerpt is an edited “PG-13” version. I didn’t want to offend too many readers off the bat. If you want to read all the good and naughty bits—then buy the bloody book! --Brandi)

It’s difficult to know where to begin my tale—so fantastic an adventure it is, and oh, so incredibly erotic. I suppose the best place to start would be at the very beginning.

Not at my beginning. To go that far back would simply bore you to tears. I know it would bore me, so let’s not go there at all. Agreed? I really should have phrased that first sentence better.

Allow me to start again.

The best place to start is when I first met the space pirates. Or to put it even more accurately, Robin Manhood and his totally sexed-out space pirates.

I know what you’re thinking now “What does she mean by ‘totally sexed-out space pirates’?” It’s a valid question. But if I told you everything at the start of this saga, it would take away from the suspense, now wouldn’t it? Besides, it will become obvious in a few pages what I mean about the space pirates and their sexual appetites. Can you hang on until then? You can? Thanks.

Okay, now that we’ve settled that point, I’ll start my story on the day I, Brandi Whyne, met Captain Robin Manhood and his so-called band of Merry Men, Women, and Aliens-Whose-Genders-Are-Still-Under-Consideration.

Got that? Good—because I’m not repeating it.

I was twenty-two years old and working that day—strike that, slaving is a more accurate term for what I did—at the Black Whole, a smoky, seedy spaceport bar owned and operated by my aunt, Cruilla DeVino on the planet Proxima Centauri Five.

I use the term ‘aunt’ somewhat loosely to describe dear Cruilla, for I was never certain of our family relationship. With her toothless grin, greasy, matted gray hair, two meter height, one-hundred kilogram weight and her constant chuma leaf chewing and spitting, she bore little resemblance to me—a petite yet curvy, auburn-haired, freckled-face girl with all my teeth.

All I really knew about Cruilla was that after both my parents died in a crash landing of a top secret, experimental spacecraft on the other side of the planet (when I was a mere twelve years old) I was sent off to slave alongside Cruilla at the Black Whole. And I can honestly say that there has never been a more educational apprenticeship experienced by an impressionable young girl in the known history of the universe.

“Bring us more ale,” the old space dogs would bark at me from their sticky barstools from sundown to sun-up. “And bring us another bowl of those little salty peanuts so we can get eat them and get even more dehydrated than we do while consuming large quantities of alcohol so we can consume even more alcohol…” or some such nonsense. The Black Whole wasn’t famous for its intelligent clientele by any means.

Fetching mugs of space ale, delivering bowls of peanuts and wiping off sticky barstools was the whole of my existence until about my sixteenth birthday… And then our patrons’ jeering took on a more lascivious tone. But I soon discovered a way to keep the lusty louts’ hands off my curves. By the time Robin Manhood arrived on the scene, I had polished my comeback lines so well they had become true performance art.

“Hey, Brandi,” one particularly thickheaded gentleman missing half his teeth and all of his wits, charm and pocket change called out. His drinking buddies laughed and punched him on the arm. “Pull down that blouse of yours and let us see something. Flip up that skirt and show us that curvy backside of yours up close and personal, sweetheart.”

What can I say? Their manners were appalling. That’s the Black Whole’s clientele for you. It was time to teach these scumbags a lesson.

“Oh, what an eloquent pick-up line. To have this innate ability to wax poetic… Ah! It makes me my heart sing... Your mother must be very proud of you and your lyrical abilities.”

“Eh?” The cretin cocked an eyebrow and stared at me, drool pooling in the corner of his crooked mouth. “You sayin’ you really wanna do it with me?”

I batted my thick, curly eyelashes, smiled coyly and leaned in for the kill. “Why, kind sir, how can I refuse? You are a true master of romance.”

His eyes were practically on stalks now. “Say wha…?”

As his brain was probably the size of his manhood—miniscule—I tried to make it easy for him. I spoke slowly and distinctly.
“Okay, I’m game, Romeo. Pull it out and show me what you got, big guy.”

Quite a large crowd gathered around us now, murmuring encouraging words. “Woo-hoo! You better show the little lady what she wants before she changes her mind.”

I held out a hand and cut off their banter. “But first, let me remind you all of one important thing…”

I leveled a stare at the entire assembly and lowered my voice to gain their utmost attention to the seriousness of what I was about to say.

“I have taken a sacred vow of celibacy at the Shrine of the Goddess of Fertility, Fun and Family Planning that I will never make love to a man unless he measures up to my intimate expectations.”

“Uh, you want me to pull my manhood out and lay it on the bar?” The imbecile hadn’t quite caught on yet and wanted me to spell it out to him. Meanwhile, his drunken companions howled with laughter at his expense. Foolishly, I egged him on.

“Of course. I must measure it. I’ve made a vow to the goddess. You don’t want me to go back on my vow, do you?”

“No, no, of course not. It’s just I…I…”

“He ain’t got one!” jeered one of his buddies.

“Hey, I got one and you know it! You take that back, Bernard.”

The entire bar was in on the joke now. Sniggering and chortling, back slapping and booze sputtering echoed from the top of the smoke-stained rafters down to the mud-encrusted tile of the floors.

Now, if I had been thinking at this point rather than enjoying a rather good laugh at a customer’s expense, I would have made good my escape to the back while Henry and Bernard’s buddies taunted them about their masculinity. But I didn’t. I joined in on the merrymaking, even reaching across the counter to retrieve my ruler…

“Gotcha.” Henry pinned my hand to the surface. “Get her other arm, Bernard. We’ll show Miss Brandi and our comrades here who’s a pansy and who isn’t.”

At this point I believe I should make mention that I had taken a vow at the Shrine of the Goddess of Fun, Fertility and Family Planning. It wasn’t quite the vow that I used to tease my customers. However, it was made along similar lines.

My vow was simply this: I would never give myself to a man until the goddess gave me a sign indicating that he was the right man for me. So allowing myself to get raped on a bar countertop—and a sticky, cigar ash and peanut-covered one at that—was right out of the picture.

“Aunt Cruilla!” I cried as the creeps crushed me to the bar spread-eagle. Even now Henry was fumbling with his belt buckle as Bernard reached under my full skirts... “I need a little assistance here!”

Cruilla sauntered out from the back office and clucked at me like she did when she wasn’t too happy. “Brandi, I told you a million times not to wipe off tables with your backside. Now, get your knickers back on and climb off that counter this instance before I dock your pay.”

Then my dear auntie disappeared into her cubbyhole once more.

Henry and Bernard weren’t about to let me go with so weak a protest on the owner’s part. And their buddies were all starting to drool and fumble with their belts as well… I opened my mouth to scream but found my own bar towel shoved inside, muffling my cries.

This was it. The end of my purity and perhaps my life. It was all I could do not to break into tears.

But then when all hope seemed lost, a commotion starting behind me shot a warm glimmer of hope through my anguished soul. A shadowy character from the last booth on the right emerged. I hadn’t paid much attention to him before, as he had pulled his hood low over his face and kept pretty much to himself all evening. But now the hum of a pocket-sized laser zap-knife and the cries of agony permeated the air along with the smoky-sweet stench of burning flesh.

“Eegads, no!” screamed many a drunken bar patron that night as he quickly zipped up his fly and made a made dash to the door. “Please, anything but that! My missus would never forgive me if I came home without my few inches!”

Within seconds, Henry and Bernard and their cronies were limping out the exit... I slowly pulled myself to a sitting position and flung the rag from my mouth, eager to thank my rescuer.

But he was gone.

“Brandi, get off the bar top,” Cruilla called out from her office. “How many times do I have to tell you, girl?”

“Sorry, Aunt Cruilla.”

I hopped down and rushed to the smudged front window. A towering figure dressed in a flowing, dark green, hooded cloak strode quickly away from the Black Whole.

My champion. My savior.

And he hadn’t even bothered to tell me his name.

Good, eh? Wanna read more? The links to buy this fantastic piece of comedy-erotic literature are above. Get your arse moving and click on them! --Brandi

Happy Talk Like a SPACE Pirate Day!!

2007-09-19T13:00:00.000-05:00

Avast ye, mateys!

Oh, all right... I'll can the silly pirate talk. I'm not that type of pirate anyway--I'm a space pirate. Really. My name is Brandi Whyne, and I'm a fictional character who has taken over the mind of my author, Celine Chatillon. She's a dear, but a bit of ditz. I got "free" of her uptight subsconscious one day and started having my own adventures without her. And now she'll have to read all about them in my blog because I ain't telling her what all I'm up to!

I've written my "memoirs" (or at least part of them, anyway) and the first five "chapters" are available from eXtasy Books. Look them up under Celine's name--she claims authorship of them, the poor dear. I mean--they're my stories, my "incredibly erotic adventures" as I call them. The suppressed woman wouldn't have a clue how to handle an orgy if it wasn't for me. But she'll learn.

If you want to read up on my memoirs (thus far), you can check out excerpts, blurbs and review quotes at http://www.celinechatillon.com/brandi.html (Hopefully this link is working. The server is being switched over this week and Celine's site went walkabouts somehow. But the problem is being addressed.)

Yes, Celine is nice enough to let me use her web site. The writing wench, that she is, she'll appreciate any comments you would like to make about it, her work, or my fantastic blog. Just leave a comment below... and if you're a cute humanoid who travels in my universe, be sure to leave your address so I can look you up and detail all our erotic adventures for my next saucy chapter. ;)

But if you want to be a drab, boring Old Terran, then check out this web site about the more conventional types of pirates:

Talk like a Pirate Day—September 19
http://www.chaoskitty.com/webzen/david_byrne_pirates.php

Yo ho ho...

Brandi